Awareness the fear, shame, and guilt behind the surface consciousness of 'I don't want to do anything'.
It was the official first day of spring on March 19 in 2024. This date marks the spring equinox in the Northern Hemisphere. During the equinox, the Earth’s axis and its orbit line up so that both hemispheres get an equal amount of sunlight.
Those who are sensitive to energy might be aware of the impact of the equinox. I hope you took it as an opportunity given by heaven to shake off the negative energy you no longer need, and that you courageously went into and face your fear and shame deep inside of you.
I was no exception. As soon as I opened my eyes this morning, I was aware that a strong feeling of ‘I don’t want to do anything today’ came up in my mind.
I was no exception. As soon as I opened my eyes this morning, I was aware a strong feeling of ‘I don’t want to do anything today’. In order to stimulate my inner child’s wounds, or my ego’s illusion, I kept repeating ‘I don’t want to do anything’ to myself.
It suddenly changed from ‘I don’t want to do anything’ to
‘I can’t do anything’.
“Oh, I see!”
This was the hopeless feeling that I felt when I was new born. I could not do anything and was unable to control my own body, as a new born baby.
This little baby had to depend on my mom and dad for everything, and her life depended on whether they would take good care of her or not, or on their mood. When she felt uncomfortable or wanted to express herself, the only thing she could do was cry, and she felt ashamed of herself for being able to do nothing but eat, sleep, and poop.
The pure consciousness that knows everything suddenly enters a small body and becomes trapped in the small consciousness.
The fear of not knowing anything came to this little girl. I could see that my ego was trapped in a sense of guilt, believing that “I must have done something wrong to God and am being punished like this.”
When I realized that fear, guilt and shame, I felt cold coming out of my whole body, goosebumps growing around my lower body, and especially the tips of my toes.
What was different this time was that I usually felt a lot of energy getting out of the tips of my toes, but this time I felt it more strongly at the heels. Some time ago, I saw that chakra is distributed in the feet. It is said that the heel side is connected to the lower chakras. It seems that the healing of the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd chakras has occurred significantly this time.
When I was about 4 or 5 years old, I often had scary dreams, and it was the same dream every time. I remember vividly that I would wake up in the middle of my sleep because I was so frustrated and scared as I watched my body wrapped tightly in something like a very large thread, like a cocoon. I couldn’t explain it to anyone and suffered alone.
Now that I discovered my core ego, ‘shame of my existence of not knowing anything and being unable to do anything’, I’ve tried to feel this enough in order to let this go.
I prayed, shedding tears of repentance, that I would like to surrender my existence to God, in which I could do nothing and had no idea what was ahead.
I decided to forgive myself for making plans and thinking that I knew everything, and for trying so hard to survive on my own and to be recognized and loved. Now I decided to leave it to God and live with ease and comfort.
When I acknowledge the shame of my existence, knowing nothing and being unable to do anything by myself, the Holy Spirit, who knows everything and makes everything possible, can work through me.
To empty yourself, you must know yourself and acknowledge and feel the shame, guilt, and fear that is your core ego (wounded inner child). To empty yourself is the only way to let Divine work for me and for the highest good.